After my little rant last week about choice and influence (which you can read HERE by the way), the husband and I were chatting about the subject and touched upon something that I felt warranted further consideration and discussion.

How can anyone, despite all of the actual evidence out there, still believe that being gay is a choice? It led me to think about what makes them so sure of something, they, as heterosexuals, have no experience of. Because that is the rub here, they are always so vehemently sure, like the opinion that the sky is blue, that it is a choice. It’s not just a small difference of opinion for them. They are so sure of it and will not entertain any suggestion of sexuality being anything but an active choice. They believe that LGBTQIA people could simply choose not to be. They are so utterly convinced of it without ever pausing to reflect and think about what it would also say about them too...

By its very definition, a choice would mean that there is more than one option available, and their conviction that being gay is a choice would imply that there is also an ‘option' to be straight. If that were true, surely that is also an admission that they, too, made a choice. They are so adamant that there is a choice, which would therefore imply an admission that they CHOSE to be heterosexual. It has been asked countless times before, but if you ask a heterosexual person when they chose to be straight, there is no answer to it. It just is. I think the majority of straight people understand and accept this. They didn’t make a choice any more than the LGBTQIA+ people did.

So what about those who so staunchly believe it is a choice, who often hold a whole plethora of homophobic viewpoints? Like I say, if they are so convinced it is a choice, then it must be a choice they too have made. And if it were indeed the case, this suggests that at some point, they have questioned their sexuality. That they have had thoughts or feelings during their life, perhaps even had certain experiences, which could indicate they could be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. In turn, that would suggest that they made a conscious choice not to act (or stop acting) upon it. In doing so, they have chosen to live a life of denying and repressing something within themselves. It would mean they are actively choosing not to live as their authentic self, but to live and present an image of what they deem to be acceptable in society. By extension, it implies that they have indeed chosen to live their life that way and that they believe the rest of the LGBTQIA+ community should too. I’m not going to lie, but this whole train of thought is giving me vibes of childlike ‘I don't want to play with this toy, but I’m not going to let anyone else either’. Ok, so, just to be clear, people aren’t toys, but you get what I am saying here.

I don’t know about anyone else, but the very idea of living a life like that, with all that self-denial and repression, sounds not only exhausting, but downright impossible. I am sure that if you presented this logic to any of the ‘it’s a choice’ crowd, they would undoubtedly deny they've ever had any of the thoughts or feelings I mentioned, after all, that is a part of the whole facade. But then, if that is the case, and they have never had any homosexual inclination whatsoever, it blows a massive hole in the ‘it’s a choice’ narrative. So which is it? In my mind, you can’t claim it’s a choice at the same time as denying you’ve ever had to make that choice.

It's been a while, a long while in fact. Whoops. What can I say? I'm a Dad - I'm tired?

Which ironically, being tired is something I wanted to write about today. I'm not tired of being a Dad, of course, but I am tired of the endlessly repetitive, factually incorrect, looping discussions about the LGBTQ+ 'influence'.  You know, this whole notion that LGBTQIA+ people having any form of representation in the media, in literature, in schools, in the workplace, in society whatsoever is somehow 'influencing' young people to join us, ya know, like its a club/religion/society with an application process...

This whole thing stems from the also endlessly repetitive, factually incorrect, looping discussions about the fact that being gay is a choice. I don't know how many times I, and the whole community, have had to say it, but it is NOT a choice. It never was, it never will be. I have spent my entire life hearing this 'it's a choice debate, and I am so beyond tired of it. The science actually backs this up; it is NOT a choice. Yet, here we are, still hearing the same old narrative from the same old groups of people outside of the community.

Considering that it is NOT a choice (and yes, I am going to keep emphasising the NOT part), the notion that the LGBTQIA+ community can somehow influence or recruit people into the community is so beyond ludicrous it boggles my mind how anyone can genuinely believe it is a thing.

I've seen so many social media posts pointing out the very contradictory nature of the 'influencing kids' argument, but hey, apparently it's just not getting through to some people, so I figured why not add my voice too. 

I'd like you to bear in mind that I was born in the early 80s, and so I started school in the 80s. That means I also grew up during the time of that heinous piece of legislation, Section 28. A piece of legislation that prohibited the "promotion of homosexuality" by local authorities, particularly in schools. It was part of the Local Government Act of 1988 - right around the time I started school - and was not repealed until 2000 - right around the time I finished secondary school! In case you didn't know, Section 28 stated that local authorities "shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality". It also prohibited the teaching of "the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship".

Did it make the blindest bit of difference to my sexuality? Well, clearly not! My entire school life was lived out under the premise that if the LGBTQIA+ existence was denied, then it would stop people from becoming LGBTQIA+, and yet here I am, twenty-five years later, still hearing this same old conversation and absolutely being gay.

I am pretty sure I have touched upon this before, and how, actually, if politics, society, the media, schooling and so on had any influence on sexuality, then there is no way I would be gay. As I've pointed out, it was literally illegal for schools to acknowledge or promote the gay existence, so that should have 'influenced' me to be heterosexual. I was raised in a very heterosexual family and didn't know of anyone LGBTQIA in the family at all, so that should have 'influenced' me to be heterosexual. The TV shows and movies I watched all featured heterosexual people in them, whether they were single or not, so that should have 'influenced' me to be heterosexual. The music I listened to was all at least presented as 'heterosexual'. Even those artists who were actually LGBTQIA were predominantly closeted and did not talk about their sexuality, so that should have 'influenced' me to be heterosexual. None of the children's or even young adult books I read had a single LGBTQIA character in them (at least that I was aware of at the time - queer coding aside), so that should have 'influenced' me to be heterosexual. Were there Pride Flags hanging outside of any local government building? No, so that should have 'influenced' me to be heterosexual. Were there equality laws to protect the LGBTQIA+ community when I was growing up? No, so that should have 'influenced' me to be heterosexual. Need I go on?

My point is, if we are to believe that a person can be 'influenced' to make a choice to become gay, then on paper, there is literally nothing to suggest that I would be the person that I am. I can promise you now, given everything I have said about my childhood on this blog, there is no way on this earth I would have 'chosen' to be gay. Even when I did find out what being gay was and how that lined up with how I was feeling, I fought against it. I refused to accept it. I denied it with every fibre of my being, and it wasn't until my late teens or maybe even my early twenties that I truly stopped fighting it. Why did I fight it and refuse to accept it? Well, for starters, my entire childhood was structured to have me believe that being gay wasn't normal, that it was wrong. That, and because I genuinely didn't believe that I was gay. School bullies were calling me it - with zero help from school teachers to stop the bullying, by the way, because they weren't allowed to, in case they were perceived to be 'promoting' homosexuality - long before I acknowledged and accepted that I was attracted to other guys. It has taken literal years to unpick all of that stigma, all of that fear, all of that shame, all of that denial. 

And they want to tell me that my very own lived experience was simply a choice? It's got to the point now where it's not just irritating but outright anger-inducing! I am so fed-up of the endlessly repetitive, factually incorrect, looping debate that isn't really a debate at all. It is simply certain parts of society that want to impose their opinion as fact on the rest of us. Hand on heart, I believe that everyone is entitled to an opinion just as much as I am entitled to disagree with that opinion. However, when you start to claim your opinion as fact and then use that opinion to dictate how everyone else should live their life, we have a problem.

It has literally been 25 years since the repeal of Section 28 and the acknowledgement from the government that sexuality simply doesn't work that way, but we are still dealing with the very same conversation. Of course, all of this stuff has been going on for far longer than 25 years, but the repeal of section 28 should have been a watershed moment. Many of us believed in good faith that it would be. Yet, 25 years on, and some people are still entertaining the notion that having a book in a school about two gay penguins that become dads is somehow going to make a child gay. 25 years on, and some people are still peddling the narrative that a pride event is going to make a child gay. 25 years on, and some people are still outraged when there is a gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, etc character in a TV soap opera because it might make a child gay. 25 years on, and some politicians are still trying to strip LGBTQIA+ people of the equality rights that we have fought long and hard to get, because it might make a child gay. Just stop it already! 

You may have noticed that I have been rather irritatingly repetitive in this blog. It is 100% intentional. I wanted to be as obnoxiously repetitive in my talking points, in some kind of hope that it gives everyone just a glimpse of how frustrating and annoying it can be to have their very existence and their lived experiences debated under the pretence of protecting children. We can see right through it and call it what it is; Yet another homophobic attack on the LGBTQIA+ community. Yet another attempt to use us as a political football. Yet another attempt to deny we even exist, to eradicate us. And then those perpetrators are shocked and surprised when elements of the LGBTQIA+ community become militant. Well, right now, I am so sick and tired of it all that I am feeling pretty damn militant too!

I have no idea if this piece is going to be read outside of the community, whether anyone will care, or whether it may give any of those peddling the endlessly repetitive, factually incorrect, looping discussions, pause for thought. I hope it does. If not, at the very least, I feel better for having a rant about it.

Thanks for reading